The Best Advice I Ever Received About My Wedding Day

Tarik and me during our wedding ceremony, Oct. 6, 2001

In what feels like a lifetime ago, when I was in my early 20s, I worked at an advertising agency. I started there as a temp and ended up getting hired on and stayed for about four years, until our agency lost the account I was assigned to and we all got laid off.

Because I had started off as a temp, I didn’t really expect that this job would end up making a huge impact on my life, but it did. For one, I met one of my best friends, who now lives across the country in New York, but at the time we developed such a quick and tight connection that he and his girlfriend came to my wedding and eventually, I was in theirs.

Even more surprising though, is the impact one of my bosses made on me. It was such a small gesture, a short conversation she might not even remember, but it has lasted with me to this day and I still talk about it regularly.

You see, she had gotten married the first year I was there. I was engaged as well during that time and right before I left on leave to get married, she gave me the best advice I ever received in regards to my wedding day. It was this:

Be present.

Be completely present on your wedding day. Let go of all the countless hours of planning that you have put in towards that wedding and be present. I will tell you why my boss said this to me in a second, but first, let me give you the practical advice that’s going to let you follow this more spiritual advice.

Let your wedding planner or coordinator worry about the details that day. What if you don’t have a wedding planner or coordinator? No problem, I didn’t either.

Although I highly recommend hiring a planner, or at least a day-of coordinator (I’ll write another post about why), I understand that it may just not be in your budget. In that case, figure out who your most Type A friend or relative is, that you trust to be dependable, and put them in charge. Give them the instruction that once the day arrives, they are in charge and to not let anyone else bother you with little “emergencies” or questions. Only your Type A person is allowed to bother you that day, if they think they absolutely need your input.

Here’s why. My boss told me something that really scared me and stuck with me. She said that she was so preoccupied with the details, with hoping everything was going alright on her wedding day, that she wasn’t really present for the actual experience of the day. Because of that, even just a few months later, she didn’t remember anything about the day.

Isn’t that sad? You know how much time, money, and energy is going into planning your big day, what you’re hoping will be one of the most important and happiest memories of your life. Do you really want to spend all that time, money, and effort to not remember it?

I heeded her advice and it was the best thing I ever did. I let my mom and one of my bridesmaids be those Type A bosses on my wedding day and I just held onto my mantra all day, “Be present; enjoy the day.”

And guess what? 20 years later, because I listened to that advice, I still remember much of that day, down to little details like how much my husband’s hands were shaking during the ceremony, the taste of that damn good cake I ordered (yes, I still think about), to turning around to find my mother “dropping it like it’s hot” to Mystikal’s “Shake Ya Ass.” Ahh, yes, she is Cuban through and through.

So, I thank my former boss for that advice and I share it with everyone I know who is getting married. Now I’m sharing it with you. Please give yourself the gift of presence on your wedding day. It will be the best wedding gift you’ll ever receive besides getting to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

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